I have been putting something off for a while now, and I finally did it. After crying half my body weight in tears I finally wrote letters to Marc, Conner and Brayden should the worst happen. I've been putting it off because really, what can you ever write that will be good enough? How can you ever really tell someone that you love them more than life itself? That just seeing their smile in the morning makes the day worth waking up for? That the oppurtunity to spend every day for the rest of my life just loving them, and watching them grow is all I've ever wanted? That all the chemo, worry, and pain is worth it even if it means just one more day with them. I know they will never understand, but I felt that it was important that they hear how I felt about them in my own words, inadequate as they might be. So I have tucked the letters away in hopes that they will never be read.
I've told Marc that I have so many people praying for me that really, how can I not make it? The faith of that many people could move mountains! Surely it can also cure me of leukemia! Especailly when my five year old says his nightly prayer "please make mommies cancer go away". I know that God still performs miracles and I am hoping for one in my life!
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