Visiting Super Woman

I spent Monday and a little bit of today with Janette. I can't help but post about it.

Monday I was preparing myself the whole way to the Huntsman Center to see her, truly expecting to see her somewhat comatose or out of it at least. With the bags and bags of medication she has hooked up to her right now I thought for sure she would be half conscious. Which was ok with me cause I knew she'd at least still know I was there. I walked into her room and she popped right up out of her bed. With her beautiful smile on her face. So incredibly positive and strong. We hung out all day. Talked and talked, cried, laughed, joked... etc. At one point we went for a walk and I was pushing her bags of meds along side her. We went all around the bone marrow unit floor and when we were going back to her room Janette began doing lunges in the hall. LUNGES are you kidding me? I immediately feel like a failure I don't even do lunges. She is incredible. I spent ALL day in AWE of her strength, endurance, resilience, faith, spirit and attitude.

Today I came in and she still had that smile on her face but I could see that she was barely keeping it together. She told me right away this is a rough morning. She almost seems as if she feels guilty about that. That's how much she thinks about everyone around her. So her and I cried together some more. While I was there the doctors came in and talking to them they said they are all just dumb founded. They don't know what happened with this bone marrow transplant. They really are in the dark at this point. I felt so frustrated for Janette it's one thing to know you're sick and be going through all this. But to have the doctors not know why and to have to sit in that room day after day not knowing how long it will actually be is the worst. We all have a strong feeling that this is a FREAK thing because something about that donors marrow was just not right for Jan.

Just like every time I go see her we spend most of the time talking about the boys. That's one thing Janette and I have ALWAYS had in common was our desire to be a mom and spend every day with our children being the ones to care for them. Conner and Brayden are her EVERYTHING. When they are all looking back on this time they will know how much their mom did for them. Being away from them for a short time to be with them for the long. It literally hurts my heart to watch her miss them and want to hold them and kiss them so much. It makes me feel so guilty that I get to be with mine. But also makes me not take it for granted.

Janette wants and needs to know some good things are coming out of this. That is one of the things she's impacted so many people made them see the things that are important and put things into perspective. She's shown what one person is capable of. She's such a inspiration and is going to help so many people once she's all better and this is just a memory. She needs now more than ever to know that.

Growing up I would watch Beauty and The Beast and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. I loved all the movies so much. I still do. As I got older they met different things to me though. I would dream of this prince that would come sweep me off my feet and the perfectly beautiful children we would have. Today while Janette was talking about Marc and how incredible and as close to perfect as you can be I couldn't help to think about those fairytales. Janette and Marc have been living theirs since high school. It is so unfair that she has to be pulled from her perfect for her life right now. I'm sure she's so sick of hearing about how short of a time this is compared to the rest and it will be over soon. Because truth is it's so much easier for us to say that not being the ones doing it or the ones away from our kids. Janette you will be back to your FAIRYTALE I hope as soon as physically possible.

I know this was just a bunch of random thoughts I put together but it was stuff I didn't want to forget. Janette you are so AMAZING! I love spending time with you. I can't wait til the day your numbers go up and we CELEBRATE!! Even more so I can't wait til you're out of there and home.

Brandie