Hard Week

well, I hope ya'll had a better 4th of July than me!! It was a long, hard week. First of all, my numbers have not come up. If they haven't come up by next Tuesday they will do another bone marrow biopsy. If it shows that my bone marrow is empty then we will proceed with a third transplant from a new donor. They have already found a new donor but apparently the donor isn't available until August! When my doctor heard that he apparently got very upset and told the man in charge of communicating with the donor center that August was not acceptable and they needed to put my request in as urgent and find a new donor if the current donor can't get his butt in sooner!! I'm very glad that my doctor is fighting for me. You know how if feels when you wait in line at the DMV for 20 min? (or if your in Alabama make it 4 hrs!!) You feel like you just waisted 20, right? well I feel like I just waisted 59 days! For an organized active mom that is pure torture. I no longer desire to learn patience. It's much to difficult to learn!
Anyways, the second thing that made the week hard is I started to have a strange reaction to one of my anti-rejection meds. My hands and feet began feeling like they were on fire!! I was in so much pain on the 4th that I actually remember very little of that night. My kids came to watch fire works and play games. I spent the whole night trying to pretend I wasn't hurting. It's funny how pain and pain meds take away your memory like that. I think the boys had a good time though. By the time I got back to my room the pain was unbearable. My feet were red ane swollen and it litterally felt like they were on fire. Oxycodone, Morphine, and Delodid had no effect on the pain. My poor nurse and Mom spent the night Icing and rubbing my feet. By 5am I finally fell asleep for a few hours. The next morning they took me off the IV of the troublsome medicatiohn and put me on a lower dose in pill form. That did the trick! I have had no burning since then.
This moring when I woke up and my numbers had gone DOWN I felt very depressed. My mom let me cry on her shoulder. She told me that she was proud of me because even if I did it with tears running down my cheeks at least I continued to put one foot in front of another each day. I had never thought about it that way. Not giving up doesn't mean you'll be happy all the time, it just means that you get through the day and try again tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better news!