Lessons Learned

When most people hear about someone being diagnosed with Leukemia I think most of them wonder "how long do the doctors think they'll last" or something close to that. I have to admit that I used to think the same thing. Strangly when I was diagnosed I immediately felt that I was going to be ok. That doesn't mean that I haven't been terrified every single day for the past 11 months. But deap in my heart I have believed that I was going to make it. I don't know if I'm even at the half way point, but I do know that I've lasted longer than most. I don't know why. I've wondered if God is preparing me for something bigger?  Maybe, mabye not. But I do know that in this relatively short time I have learned alot. I have learned that you can feel lonely in a room full of people. That most people are good, and caring.  That there really is a reason we pay for health insurance :)  I've learned that God hears every sincere prayer. He usually answers them through other people. On seemingly small example of this took place last January. I was in the hospital recieving more chemo. For some reason I was going to be alone that night, which has been a rarity. Around 10 o'clock I began to feel terrified, hopeless and very alone. I said  a short prayer asking for help. It turns out that one of my friends from church happened to be at the hospital at that very time bringing something that her husband that worked as a doctor there had forgotten at home. After she delivered it to him she had a strong impression to come visit me. At first she hesitated thinking that it was late and I was probably asleep. But the prompting came again so she went back to the elevator. She knocked on my door and slowly opened it to find me sitting in bed crying like a basket case! She came and sat by me and talked with me until I felt calm and peace again. I knew then that God really hears me.
I've learned that even through immense physical pain, the emotional pain is far worse, and lasts much longer. I've learned how many people love me, and really would do anything for me. I've learned what drug dependency and withdrawls feel like. They are much worse than I ever thought. I've learned what it feels like to have everyone you pass stare at you because of your appearance and wonder what is wrong with you. I've learned that while a beutiful house and a fashionable wardrobe would be nice, all I really need to feel happy is a loving Heavenly Father and my family.
I'm sure if I thought some more that I would come up with many more things I have learned. I hope that because of this I can be a better, more compassionate person. I hope I get the chance to try and help others. And really make a difference.