A little stressed out!

Well, I've spent quite a bit of time and the BMT clinic this past week. Last Tuesday I noticed that I was feeling more tired than I had been. Also I felt that small activities left me short of breath and my heart racing. Then on Wednesday I began to have chest pains right around my sternum. To top it off I began to have some stomach pains and I noticed that on my right shoulder where I had a blood clot last April, the blue veins in the area were more pronounced. So I immediately called the clinic and they told me to come right in. Marc and I drove down with an overnight bag just incase. When we got there they did numerous blood tests, and a CT of my lungs, heart, and the veins in my chest and shoulders. The CT came back showing that everything was normal "for me" The pock marks on my lungs were healing, my heart was it's normal size, and there were no clots to be seen. All my blood tests came back normal as well, Infact my hemoglobin even went up a little on it's own! My Doctor was out of the office that day so his PA and nurse were the ones taking care of me. They were stumped. They concluded that since they had ruled out anything serious that I could go home and call them if my symptoms got worse. They are so patient and caring! The next morning they even called to check on me.  Well, my symptoms didn't get worse but they definitely persisted. So today when I went down for my weekly appointment I got to see my actual doctor this time. He came in and said "looking at your labs, I am very pleased with how you are doing, but I am worried because you are worried!" I explained all of my symptoms. We did a few more test, EKG, an ultrasound of the veins in my shoulder and chest, a complete physical and more blood tests. Everything came back as normal as they could be under my circumstances. My doctor then told me his theory. He asked me if I am worried about anything. I told him that of course I am! next Monday they will be doing my 100 day tests including a bone marrow biopsy. If the results aren't good, then everything will immediately change in a very bad way! He say's that he thinks I am having a ongoing panic attack. He pointed out that only 2 weeks ago they stopped one of my antidepressants (yes, I said one...) and the day before the symptoms began I was at clinic, saw that my hemoglobin had dropped a whole point, and I was given the schedule for my testing next monday. He said that it is actually proven that in Lymphoma patients about a week and a half before they have a scan done to see if they are still in remission, they experience alot of the same symptoms I am having including shortness of breath, and chest pain. It seems so strange that my body could be responsible for so much without me even realizing I was that stressed! He wants to wait until we get the results from my tests next week, and when we see that they are good my symptoms should dissipate.  He is however still stumped about the blood clot. But he assured me that when all my tests come back good next week, and if I am still holding onto my hemoglobin, then he wants to get my central line taken out. He said that will eliminate the threat of more blood clots, and lower my risk of infection dramatically. He said that 2/3 of people who are going to come out of remission do it during the first year after transplant. The second most common time is the first 100 days after transplant, then the second year after transplant. After the second year the odds of it coming back are less than 2%. So he said that it's a very good sign that I made it through my 100 days still being 100% in remission and no graft vs host.  They all admitted that I am doing much better than they expected me to do. In leukemia they don't have "stages" they mostly just go on the genetic make up of the cells and if it is full blown leukemia. So if they had stages, I would have been stage 4. Put my two failed transplants on top of that, plus the extra chemo and radiation, and apparently they didn't have very high expectation of how I would do. (glad they didn't tell me that at the time!) So that made me feel better that I am doing better than they even thought I would.. I made it past another hurdle! I would really appreciate it if you all would be willing to say a prayer for me this Sunday, that I will still be in remission and all the tests go well. Until then I will try to do more yoga, and take some xanax!